Festerocious

Friends I have never met

2011-10-02T03:56:00.000-07:00

It's an odd thing.

When I look think of my friends I have the classic ones like everyone else. My old school friends, my work friends etc, but there has developed a group of friends who I have never met.
The odd thing is that I tend to talk to them more than my physical friends, and no, they are not my plants etc.

The internet has a lot to answer for, I started to play online Facebook games in order to develop my network, and, as a wanna-be writer, the more people I network with, the better the pool of knowledge I can draw from.

These friends in particular are not from Facebook though, well, not all of them, Joanne from Maryland, Sam from Newzealand etc are facebook people I talk to regularly, but the minecraft friends I talk to a lot.

Please though, if you have never played Minecraft I do ask you to avoid it, it sucks your life away.

I guess a friend is someone who makes you feel you are not alone. Who don't expect huge things and accept you for who you are. So who cares if they are unseen, they are still my friend.

Flash fiction.

2011-02-27T04:35:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine suggested a challenge.
To write 31 pieces of flash fiction in 31 days.

Not being someone to pass up an opportunity, I had a go.
Loved every moment of it, even the realisation that my mind is actually a dark and sinister place.

But I finished witha few days to spare and felt quietly proud of the achievement.
Not I'm working through them preping them to send off to magazines and websites for possible publication.

But I thought I would post one here for you...
Who ever you are...

------------------
THE SWITCH.
By Ian Hawley

“I don’t know what it does. why should I?” Keith push Simon out of the way as he walked over to look at it. “I’ve never seen it before.”
“But this is your house isn’t it? you should know what it’s for.”
“Well, I swear I’ve never seen it before. I’m sure it wasn’t there yesterday. Bill! you was here on Tuesday, did you see it?”
“See what?” Bill walked casually out of the kitchen, a can of beer in his hands. “What are you talking about?”
“This switch here.” Keith moved to the side so he could see and pointed at it. “Was this here on Tuesday?”
“What the hell is that? No mate.” he laughed. “That wasn’t there the other day. Something like that I guess we would have spotted.”
“Let me get this right.” Simon snatched the beer from his hands. “You’re telling me, than you’ve been living here for over six months now and you’ve never seen this switch before?”
“I swear it wasn’t there yesterday. I’d have seen it wouldn’t I. A big red thing like that in the middle of my living room wall.”
They all stood back, passing the beer between them as they stared the switch. It was certainly hard to imagine how they’d missed it. Keith and Bill had been on the Xbox all night on Tuesday, the beer stains of the wall where Keith had thrown his can when he’d lost were visible around the switch, there was even beer on the surrounding plate.
“Well.” Bill walked over to it, “What does it do?”
“I don’t know…” Keith clasped in head in his hands, “I’ve never seen it before.”
“Switches don’t just appear, do they?” Simon asked causing the others to stop and turn.
“Err...” Bill frowned, “I don’t think so. Never put one in before myself, but I can’t imagine they migrate.”
“Your being stupid the pair of you.” Keith passed the now empty can back to Simon and walked over to the wall, pushing his finger on the top as he started to click it down.
“I mean, what’s the worse that could…….”

------------------

My feet smell of Digestive biscuits.

2010-08-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

Evening all.
I hope this blog finds you well and happy.

Well, I don't really care how this blog finds you when it comes down to it. I guess I was just trying to be nice.

My feet really do smell of Digestive biscuits, I'm not sure why exactly.
Its not as though I've eaten loads of them or anything, and now, thanks to the smell, I might never taste one again...

I've given up trying to find something on google to explain it. I just dont think there's a reason.

Anyway, I obviously didnt come here to just tell you about my feet.
or did I?

I can't remember now, the smell is overpowering almost.
The advantage is though that its kept the kids away from me.
I've had a quite evening, which has been nice.

I hope you've had one aswell.

Night.

Sorry its been a while.

2010-07-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Like the title says.
Sorry.
Its been a while.
Life seems to have slipped through my fingers and I totally forgot about blogging.

Well, I guess this means I have a bit to catch up with.
What can I tell you that you would want to hear?
You can presume I'm still here, because I'm typing. So I don't need to cover that.
I turned 41. Not that I really felt the change happen.
I was bald before, I'm bald now. No biggie really.
So the basics you can presume are covered, okay with you?

My writing has changed.
The Novel is on its fifth and final re-work. I have to read the bloody thing outloud to myself so I can spot and change anything that stumbled me.
It's a good idea. But after re-doing it four times already the story is a little stale to me.

Feedback as been good so far, my favourite comparison was "Like reading James Herbert or Stephen King without the wait." I liked that. Made me smile.

so, I have writen Nine short stories, four poems and the second half of book two in the series.
Just working them all over now until I'm happy that I can spell again.

Still not working, the stigma of being unemployed for over a year and a half seems to have put a black spot on me. But I guess thats their loss. So I've decided to change my path while I wait for someone to pick up the books and give me loads of money for them. (I appreciate I may be waiting a long time for this to happen).

I always enjoyed recruitment and training. It gives me a chance to express myself, to help others and it gives me a huge amount of job satisfaction so thats good.
Will hopefull be able to tell you more when I next blog.
Which could be ten years away the way my life is going.

Oh yeah! My tooth ache never came back.
Well, not yet anyway.
Time will tell.......

Hope everyone in the world is well.
Blog back soon.

Dreams

2010-02-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked why I've not posted on here for a while so I thought I would.

I want to tell you about a dream I had last night, now don’t worry, its not rude or anything, just maybe an insight into how my mind is acting at the moment after 17 months unemployed. (Can you believe it...)

Anyway, when I dream it tends to be a long dream, not disjointed or broken by random elephants or just cut into by other dreams. This can often lead to another story for me to work on, but not last night.

Last night started with me being late for work, so I called a friend to give me a lift and turn up he did, though because his car had been playing up recently he'd used his pirate ship instead. A sleek black beast it was, with billowing sales and a hopeful fine turn of speed. So on it I jump and away we go.

I must point out that at this point in my dream I didn’t know where I worked, obviously the subconscious mind not wanting to give me hope on any position at this time.
Anyway, I end up passing my daughters school, which turns out to by my workplace. My friend is a terrible driver in real life and misses the turning, forcing the boat instead onto the kerb for me to jump ashore and run to the school so I'm not any later than I already am.
This is when I realised I'd forgotten to put my trousers on, wearing a flashy pair of boxer shorts to work is bad enough, for it to be in an all girls school filled me with panic.
So I ran back to my friend’s ship so he could give me a lift home so I could find my said pants before returning to work and this was when things started to get worse for me.
The sleek black pirate ship had sunk! Obviously after it had ran into the kerb and it had almost vanished into the pavement, much to the panic of my friend who would now be late himself.
So there I was, stood at the side of the road without my pants staring at a sunken pirate ship. I know, I'll run home and change. Not to be.
When the ship struck the kerb it popped it, so the pavement no longer existed, stopping me from running home for my pants so I won’t be late for my job.
I would ring the wife, but I've left my phone in my pants. I know, I will borrow my friends phone, which, being the friend he is willingly passes over to me.
But, and there is always a “but” isn’t there?
All the buttons fell off as I touched it, leaving me with a smooth piece of metal.
"It does that to me" my friend advises, smiling as I drop to my knees in despair before waking up.

I wonder if I have an issue, I feel fine now though, thanks for asking………….

December

2009-12-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

By god its getting colder.

Had to de-ice the windscreen the on Monday, was really a nice day apart from the ice.
At least it didn rain for a change.

Anyway, back to me.

Where am I up to in my life? Hmmmm.
Tough question.

On the one hand I dont have a job yet, I've a few interviews lined up so dont worry, I'm sure something will appear soon enough, then its back to the stupid early mornings so I can go to work and wish I was unemployed again.

On the other hand I have all this time off.
Gordon Brown isnt such a bad chap, he keeps paying me money at least. OK. I guess its your money as you're in a job paying your tax's (Thanks for that).

The idea of being a novelist is quite, novel :D
I have a few people who've read by stuff and the feedback has been good. And I've learnt a lot about myself and writing in general so no times been wasted.

My Mental health is good I think. Hard to tell, I guess if I was mad I wouldn't know anyway.

So, I'm hanging in here, working on the novel.

Will let you know how that goes.

Ian out.

So its almost a year.

2009-07-17T03:22:00.000-07:00

Its almost a year since I was made redundant.
As I watched the team I had spent so long building up being slowly broken apart it hurt.
There is a bond that develops when you work with people, you get to see all the little things that make them unique.
They become a part of you, making you stronger for the knowledge they can share. Society is like a Ants Nest, one ant is small and weak, but a thousand can do almost anything. (Expect maybe fly to the moon for example but they are Ants after all).
I have watched as the others have joined new places of work, some staying together some starting it alone.
I`m not working yet but I am richer for knowing them, each and every one.
The people that I`ve sacked and the people I have promoted, the people I talked or worked with around the business have all become friends.
I still talk to them, maybe not all but a select group of like minded people.

I watch via facebook their lives unfolding, their problems and fears, their loves and hates.
One big scrapbook of life.

If the Facebook server was found in a million years it would be a rich cultural read for whoever is left to read it.
How Miss A has started her driving tests or How MR B burn his dinner.
Its all there to see, to watch and take in.

So even though the year since the closure has almost passed they are all still with us.
Even those who have passed away stay in our thoughts and make us who we are.

I have to go now, but its been nice talking to you.

I hope you enjoy your day and I hope to see you on Facebook sometime.

So five months and 3 days later.............

2009-02-03T14:15:00.000-08:00

Wow.

Five months.
Would you have thunk it?
I remember leaving and thinking, `This will be easy`
Hmmm.

Oh, well.
Things are not going too bad.

Found out I have a talent for modeling with matchsticks.
Made a few things so far - a small church for example.
and a Dragon Fly. I made this for my dear wife's birthday.
So I am learning new thins about myself which is quite cool.

Still working on my book writting.
Though not as much as I should.
Woke up the other day with another book to write in my head, so I am going to try to clear some of these short stories out first.
I will post them here if people are interested in reading them.
Actually.
I dont care if you dont want to read them.
I`m gonna post them here anyway...

Ha...

:D

I`m a Deep Blue Triangle.

2009-01-14T14:19:00.000-08:00

It came as quite a shoke I must say.
I started the day quite normally for an unemployed guy, of almost 40 years of age (not going to tell you more than that though, no matter how much you push).
The day was as normal, that is to say Cold and damp.
Manchester is like that I guess.
Its never been classed as a tropical location, nor has it been called flooded, but Damp fits.
So, I wake, 39ish on a damp day in Manchester.
I have an interview for a job in Bupa on Friday.
General research is required today to find out about Bupa and what they do so I can sound informed when I get there.
Would be terrible to call it Burpa for example.
Of Burma. (long way to travel if it is Burma).
So I plan.
Wake up, get dressed etc.
Take my wonderful wife out for dinner and coffee.
Come back home in time for the kids finishing school and then research.
So, it turns out Bupa is a health care company.
Burma is a country.
Pretty sure its Bupa.

Part of the website if you take time to log in is a personality checker.
http://www.bupaworld.com/

I complete the test.
and I am a Deep Blue Triangle.
I suppose that explains why people have always looked at me funny, and I guess a triangle lets the water run off easily, so it matches being bald.
But Deep Blue.
It feels right.
It sounds right.

But why, why am I a Deep Blue Triangle.

Who defined me as such.
If I want to be a red squiggle tomorrow, can I just lie and answer the questions differently.
Would that be cheating.
Would a be a Red Squiggle, but deep in side be a Deep Blue Triangle.
Would that make me a Schizophreniac.

I dont ming being a Deep Blue Triangle.
I am comfy with the outcome.
But someone sat there and thought.
"Hmmmmm, that Festerocious is a Deep Blue Triangle type of Guy"

What shape was the person who decided that?
Probably a Red Squiggle.
or a Green Square.

What shape are you?

Faith.

2008-12-18T14:04:00.001-08:00

Its a funny thing Faith.
People say things like "Have Faith" so easily, and its not.
If you are reading this and you are feeling down, your not alone.
I have been unemployed now for almost 4 months, a third of a year.
More time than I have ever had off before.

At the start you have Faith, you believe in yourself and you believe you are going to get a job and everything is going to be OK.
But that faith comes from a Finite source, a cup of faith that never actually empties but it does develop a crust if nothing is added to it, if nothing stirs the faith it congeals.
Then after a while if the faith comes back, its got to work really hard to get through to crust before it can start supporting you again.

So here I am at 4 months and I am stating to congeal, starting to doubt myself and my abilities.
I know I am not alone and that helps, but I am alone now. Here as I write and the doubt is setting in.

So I try to keep faith, I wake in the morning and I take my son to school, I do jobs round the house, i do what I can to stop the crust developing, but I can feel it there, in the pit of my stomach, slowly filling in the gaps.
If any of my old teams are reading this, I have faith in you.
You are good people, who have worked hard to get where you got.
So let me give you faith.
I wonder who has faith in me.

Time.

2008-10-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

Time is a funny thing.
When you need it its not there.
When you don't want it, its there in abundance.

If only we could find a way to move it around so we can get better use out of it.
Its like the sun, it shines during the day when it would be better if it shone at night when its dark.
The worlds all screwed up.

Normality in an insane world

2008-10-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

You ever wonder whats normal.
Is normal something you do, or something you are, or both.
If I normally get up and put my socks on my head, its that normal?
If I decide to wear green when everyone is wearing blue, is that normal?
And Do I want to be normal?

Life is a series of cogs in the machine of time.
every day the same things happen.
The world turns.
We wake, we dress, we eat, we work, we eat and we sleep.
Every day we greet the dawn with a hope that something different will happen to change what we do, when all we have to do is be different.
Who defines what we have to do to be normal.
Our parents?
Who grew up in a world without computers, without more than two channels on TV, without the opportunity to travel the world.
It was our ancestors who defined normal.
You parents follow what there parents did, and so on backwards in time.
At the start of the chain there is a caveman, who woke up, put on his furs, ate his Mammoth breakfast, went hunting, came home and ate some more then slept.

So why do we define normal by the past standards, why are so many people sheep and not shepherds.
Why do so few lead and so many follow.

What would it take for the world to wear green on a blue day, so that the people wearing Blue are the odd ones out.

Why do we allow our future to be controlled by the past.
Is that normal?

If so I don't want to be normal any more.
Most people who know me will shout out at this point "You`re not Normal Fester"
But I am.
I am normal to myself.
I don't try to extend myself enough beyond what I know.
I don't try hard enough to break the mold.
I don't lead enough.
My insanity is Normal.

In a world where the banks run out of money, I am normal.
In a world where people starve on one side of the world while other drop uneaten
food into the bin, I am normal.
In a world where it is easier to roll over in bed that actually wake up and face the facts of life, I am normal.
In a world where people would rather not get involved, I am normal.

I want to be a different normal.
I want to live in a world where people speak to strangers. Who smile and are welcoming to people they haven't met before.
I want to live in a world where I would rather spend my money saving a life that buying the latest gadget or gismo.
I want to live in a world where I am proud to had it over to my children to play in rather than keeping them shut inside where its safe.
I want to live in a world where I know the enemy, and I can work to make them my friend.

I want to be me.
and be proud of what I have accomplished.
I don't want to be Normal in an insane world.
Or insane in a normal one.

I want to be Normal in a Normal world where everyone is responsible for the actions they make and do.

Given the chance.
Do you want to be normal?

Unemployed for 3 weeks.

2008-09-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

OK.
Its been three weeks since I was made unemployed and to be honest it doesn't feel like I have been off for more than a weekend.
I dont know how I should feel.
I got my first job at the age of 14, I remember getting off the bus in Urmston in the rain and walking round every shop, asking if they had any part time jobs going.
Eventually found one in Gateways - The food market (Changed to Somerfields) and I have worked ever since.
Well almost, I was unemployed from Woolworths after I walked out on them.
Long story about long hours and short pay.
Oh, and when I tore my pectoral muscle from my ribcage in PC world.
I was off for four months then.
so, basically since I was 14 I have been working. (minus around 10 months).
Thats 6080 days actually in work, I have taken out the weekends etc.
and now I have been off work for just over 21 days.
Guess its going to take a while to settle in.

A few things can happen when your unemployed.
the First one is that you get a job and go back to doing what you do.
the second if your married is something called DIY.
Your wife/Husband depending on your sex and inclination here has it all planned.
A dozen shelves need putting up.
X little jobs need doing, Y medium size jobs need to be done.
The third is that you let the weight of all the pressure that has built up over the last 6080 days crash onto you and burn you up.

I have ended up with option 2, I think Option 3 might come later but for now I am quite relaxed and happy.

I feel I should feel guilty for not jumping back into work.
I am looking but, well there isn't anything really out there at the moment.
I apply for a few but secretly hope they don't come off.
I wont turn one down if its offered but would rather figure out who I am for a little while.

If I find me I will let you know.

The last day of Pipex and the First day of forever after.

2008-08-30T06:24:00.001-07:00

well.

After 4 years of service, after 1456 ish days the business that started as Homecall has closed.
Pipex in Manchester shut its doors on technical support yesterday as the business is outsourced to Manila.
I don't know how many staff worked there in total, but each and everyone added in some part to what we became.

But the doors closed on a good business, to be replaced by one
6,666ish miles away or 422,410.83 inches away whichever you prefer.
To be supported by a group of people who will try hard but not deliver the service expected.
So either way we closed the doors, shook hands and said our
farewells.
Firstly we had to destroy the evidence.
A suggestion was for petrol to be added and them the addition of a
match would speed up the process.
There was a lot of evidence to get rid off.

There was beer.
and "Vodkat" (Don`t ask but it makes you blind if you drink too much of it)

We said goodbye to Transcom/pipex/Homecall/Tiscali in the time honored fashion so known to all in Technical Support.

Though it is surprising how many people cant do it right.

Anyway, this is all who where left of the Manchester base.

If your a customer of Pipex reading this I do apologies.
We tried to keep the business in the UK, we really did.
But we ate twice the size of people in Manila so cost 10 times more.
I sure you will get your refunds and service eventually.
Most probably when the business comes back to the UK and we can do whats needed to repair the damage (Not very likely I am afraid).

So anyway.
We drank. and ate and there was merriment in the office.
Some of the actions where not too pleasant..........

Get off him Mickey.
I am sorry, we tried to control them we really did.
But sometimes a mouse has to do what a mouse has to do.

Then rest of us ate food and drank Vodkat.

Garry was happy.
So everything went well.

As the day progressed a number of people became a little more happy.
and happier, until you couldn't understand what they said.
So everything was normal, which was good on the last day.
But eventually it was time to go.
Time to leave the safe haven of technical Support and spread our wings to the outside world.
Andrew was eager to help with the clearing away.
Something about having a date with Stella.
Who ever she is........
Then it was over.
The office empty.
Very empty.
so empty that there where desks that I would swear had stuff on them one moment which wasn't there the next. Everyone had bought something I presume..............................

Souvenirs are memories you can show others, which i guess is right...

So to the pub we go.
I have to explain here something about Garry S.
Since we have been dressing as we wish he has turned up as an action man every day, combat trousers, tattoos etc.
I go to get a few drinks and he asks for a "GUINESS AND BLACKCURRANT".
He might as well have been wearing a dress.
So I made sure his drink was fitting for a girl.
Murdered a good pint he did.
Sheeeesh.

A few OLD faces show up. Paul here has been AWOL for about three months.
"I heard there was Beer" was the best he could come up with.

Hey Semp. glad you turned up.

"Hey soft lad, ya shizzle whats going on, I was just planning the best place to throw the Molotov cocktail on that there building. And its MR Da Semp to you"

Needless to say we didnt burn the building down.

Nice to see you Peter.

"Well I had to check first in case there was any bouncers around like, you know what problems I ave with bouncers."

And surprisingly enough there wasnt any call for any.
Good lad peter.
Well done.

Mr Papple was happy
Nick had his pint.

We are very pleased to report that the vein in the side of his neck has now started a life of its own.
It currently hunts down people who cannot use an underscore.......
"_" in case you don't know.

Nathan was missing Iggy at this point, he had got drunk and he wasn't there to abuse him. He was so upset........

He was taken away by his other half and wasn't aloud out to
play again for the rest of the day after this.
So much for the HardBoy image.
You be good to that young lady Nathan or she will slap ya :D

So we end this entry with a picture of a number 25.
God that coffee was bad really.

So, so long to everyone.
All the friends I have made, all the coffee I have drunk.

One more toast to be had.

"To the very best call center in the world, and to the people who made it, God bless you all"

Ian Out.

The Tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

2008-08-18T23:21:00.001-07:00

Well,

My toothache has stopped.
Its not because I have been to the dentist.
I have done nothing.

Maybe I just got used to the toothache.

So now the question.
Do I need to go to the dentist now?

Dentists

2008-08-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

The one thing that could strike fear into me as a kid.
My mum wouldn't tell me I had an appointment, she would just drop it on me.
So now I fear Dentists.
Their smiley faces , their posh cars, their ability to make a grown man cry.
Its not a natural job.
Who wakes up and thinks - I want to be a Dentist.
I mean really.
Some Sadomasochist with a tooth fetish, maybe.
But I cant see someone who cares doing the job.
`Open wide Mr Festerocious, this wont hurt a bit.`
yeah, right.

So now I have a problem.
A little over three years ago I cracked my lower left side molar.
Lost half the tooth.
Dropped a strong pain killer in the gap and went about my daily business (Men do this more that they care to admit, its the same with Doctors, my leg could be falling off and I would still not admit it.)
Well, now its back. The pain.. The tooth never went away. Well half of it did.
Does the tooth fairy give you half if you break a tooth?
Whats a tooth worth now. £2 a tooth.
Bet thats where the dentists make their money to pay for their posh cars.

So I have to go to the dentist.
Got the number - NHS Dentist as I am not registered anywhere else.
Rang the number, no answer.... (Relax a little, no one is home).
So now I am putting it off until Tuesday.
Why Tuesday, well I can make up excuses until then.
Beyond Tuesday and Mrs Festerocious would get suspicious.
I am worried though, I am starting to like the pain. Not the waking up at three in the morning pain, but the pain of pushing on it and letting it go. The pain before the calm.
Make it hurt more then the normal pain level is lower.
Good job I am not a Dentist.

So I plan to go.
I tell you of my plan though I don't want to admit it myself.

So, if after Tuesday I am not talking about my dentist trip, I didn't do it.
I choose pain over the Dentist.

Can I really be that scared of one person.
My Mum didnt scare me this much.
Maybe I will bite him :D But not with my bad tooth......

MOB WARS - FACEBOOK TIME TAKER

2008-08-13T12:32:00.001-07:00

Facebook is a funny old thing.
I work with a lot of good guys, well I do for a short period of time now as we are being made redundant and our jobs are being sent to Manila (This is where they make the envelopes).......
Anyway, work is work, but the people make it a good place to be.
Would be really good if the customers didn't ring us, but then I guess we would be out of work quicker if we had nothing to do.
Anyway, back to Facebook and MOB WARS.
So i work with these people, I know them, what they like (Beer and stuff), what they hate (Customers and Manila).
I get home from a hard days work, er, well from going to work anyway and find an invite in my Facebook account.
Mr Blaaa wants you to join this or that. Mr Blaa throws something at you etc.
No most of these go in the bin, auto delete as it where, unless I have something and I then expect everyone to not do what I do and click on the link and join.
So tonight I test the theory.
Tonight I joined MOB WARS.
A basic easy little program that has very little to do, you don't meet people, you don't kill people as such. There is no actual Blood or killing involved (would make it more fun but I can see why not) and today I have sent of 20 invites to people, some I have not spoken to for a while other I work with.
I am rather excited to see who accepts and who doesn't.
Which is rather sad, I want to call them and ask them to join.
I want to see them in work and Say - join my Mob.

I don't want to ask them how they are, or see what they are doing.
I want them to join my Mob.

And they say conversation is dead.......
What do they know.......

Festerocious says Hi

2008-08-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

OK.
Been told that this is a good way to get your thoughts in order, which I have to say is a scary thing to do.
I am one of those people who wakes up with a full book in his head.
Not as fun as it sounds as you already know the ending before its starts, but you have to get the dam idea out of your head.
So this blog is for me to blank write and empty my head.
Some of it might be worth reading.
Some of it might not.
But every day I will try to write something.

So. er Enjoy.